Aging Parents and Role Reversal

Recently my youngest sister had a baby. As I watch her with the baby, I realize how helpless a baby is. A newborn requires around the clock care. Almost every two hours the child needs to be fed and their diaper changed. They are helpless and without a parent or caregiver the child wouldn't survive.

As a parent, we have a huge responsibility to provide for our child. Most take this seriously and do the best they can by being a loving and caring parent. Parents give their lives for their children. I know as a mom of two girls, my life changed when I became a mom. My life wasn't about me anymore, it was about my child. I knew having children would be life changing, but I don't think I fully understood what it meant until I actually had my first daughter.

I had my first daughter a little later in life at age 34, so I was already well on my way in my career. I had done my dream job of being a television news reporter for several years and then went on to be the spokesperson for the Mayor. My husband and I both had great jobs and were able to do just about anything in a moment's notice that came along whether it was a vacation, concert or night out with friends.

Having our first daughter changed all that. She was the best thing that could have happened in our lives and we are so blessed to have her.

 I decided to give up my career and be a stay at home mom, so I could take care of my daughter. My husband changed jobs to be closer to family, so my daughter could grow up with her cousins. We decided it was what was best for our daughter.

As parents, we make these changes and sometimes sacrifices, but in the long run we feel they will pay off and be the best decisions. So far it's worked out well. I know my parents made sacrifices and still do to help me, my brother, sisters and our families.

This week my aunt was visiting and I noticed how as people get older the parent child roles reverse. My aunt is in her 70's, a widow and had a stroke and can't remember things that well and needs assistance. Her daughter and son-in-law have taken her into their home and care for her. My cousin has had to make changes in her lifestyle to take care of her mom. She has a full-time job and now has to take off work to take her mom to the doctor. Her vacation isn't only with her husband and four kids, but with her mom now. Luckily my cousins children are in college or older, so she isn't taking care of little kids too, but it is still challenging. If my cousin wasn't there to help my aunt, she wouldn't be able to live her life. My aunt depends on her for food, helping her with getting her correct medications and taking her to the doctor and other important elements of living.

I know my parents may possibly be there too one day and I want to be there for them. I think it's what being a family is all about; taking care of one another. Our role as a child changes as our parents get older. Instead of our parents taking care of us, it's now our turn to take care of them.

Start Talking to your Kids about Video Footprints

Youth Pastor Andrew Larsen gives tips to parents
about social media safety at Faith Community Church

I attended a parent’s social media workshop at Faith Community Church recently with the youth pastor Andrew Larsen.  Even though, I feel I am pretty up on social media, I know there is always something new happening that I need to be aware of. As parents, we need know as much as we can about social media so we can keep up with our kids. Larsen made a really good point that now parents don’t only have to talk to their kids about the birds and the bees, but we have something new to talk to them about called video footprints. A set of prints that can’t be taken away once they are in cyber space.

Some students at Osceola Fundamental High School know this all too well after several students were mortified when improper photos they sent to friends ended up getting posted on social media and their classmates saw it. Parents need to talk to their children and remind them anything they send, post or share with even their “friends” can be broadcast to the world with a click of the button and it can’t be taken back.

I have two young girls ages 9 and 10, so they aren’t into what the teens are into yet, but I am concerned and worried about what social media is going to be like in a few years. Look at how it has taken off in just a few years.

Every day there is a new app out there. If you can think of it, there’s an app for it. I am not kidding. I don’t really download apps so when Larsen started naming a few apps, I was saying in my mind, “really??” Did you know there’s an app to let you know the best time to go to the restroom during a movie? There really is. Unbelievable!

Larsen mentioned that most parents are on Facebook, but our kids are on Instagram. Instagram is a photo sharing site and not for kids under 13 years of age. Larsen says when apps give age restrictions parents should abide by them. He also said to be cautious of the geo specific apps that are out there, like the app that was used in the Osceola High School saga. The geo specific apps have changed the most out of all the apps.

Larsen had 5 great tips.

1.     Talk to your kids early and often.

2.     Be curious about your kid’s devices and what they are doing on them. Ask questions.

3.     Leverage social media’s potential for good.

4.     Go dark as a family and turn off and unplug your devices at night. Make sure kids turn in their devices to you before they go to bed.

5.     Remember what is at stake. It’s not about technology; it’s about your kids.

As parents, we have to be in control what are kids are doing on social media. I know it’s easy to let the device be a babysitter for younger kids or become a shallow relationship for teens. Limit the screen time your kids have on devices. Check up on your kids. It’s not invading their privacy. It’s being a good parent, so your child doesn’t get hurt.

A 45th anniversary reflection on a parents' influence

This week is my parent’s 45^th wedding anniversary. As I reflect on this, I think about the influence my parents have had on me not only as a person, but also as a wife and a mom.

Kati & Randy Hendricks were married
April 12, 1969

I am truly blessed to have the parents I have. Since we don’t get to choose our parents when we are born, it amazes me how I was able to get the parents I have. They are truly wonderful and have taught me so much during my life.

Growing up my parents instilled in me a Christian faith, family, good morals and ethics and to do my best in everything I do.

I have always looked to my parents for guidance. Both of them are successful in different ways. My father is a successful businessman and my mother a successful stay at home mom. Anyone who is a stay at home mom knows it is one of the hardest jobs. My mom gave up her career to raise four kids.

I am the oldest of children. I have two sisters and a brother and. If you know my family, you know we are very close. We have lived in Pinellas County most of our lives. All of my sisters and brother are married and there are 18 of us including grandkids. We all live in Pinellas County and get together as a group at least once a month if not more.

My parents have always made family a priority in our lives. It started when we were growing up. We did almost everything together including attending each other’s soccer, basketball, baseball, and softball games and gymnastic meets to going on family vacations together, attending church and just eating dinner together.

It’s funny how I see my life repeating some of the things my parents did as I continue these same family values.

When my kids were born, I quit my career so I could stay at home with my kids. I felt that it was important for me to be with my girls and raise them. I was fortunate to be able to do this.

While I was growing up, my parents never asked me if I was going to college, they would say where are you going to college? I ask my kids that same question. My parents always encouraged me to reach for the stars and be whatever I wanted to be and do whatever I wanted to do. They believed that if we tried hard enough we could accomplish anything we set are mind to. They were right. Sometimes we didn’t succeed at first and maybe not even a second or third time, but eventually we got our goals. I tell my children the same thing.

While growing up, I saw how my parents treated each other and that stuck with me in my relationship with my husband. My parents put God first in their marriage and than each other. My husband and I do the same. They also cared for one another and have always been each other’s best friend.

The example my parents have shown me and my siblings is an amazing one. I think parents today don’t realize just how much of an influence they have on their kids.

I hope to follow in my parents footsteps as a wife and mother living my life as a positive example for them.

Thank you Dad and Mom! Happy 45^th Anniversary! 

Couples Therapy: The Grass Isn't Always Greener on the Other Side

As parents, it is important to take time out and go on dates.   

I remember the pediatrician telling my husband and me when we had our first daughter that we should go out on a date at least once a month. Over the past nine years, it has been hard to find the time with two young kids and busy schedules. It is also expensive when you have to pay for a babysitter and the date.

But we have managed to get out every once in a while, and for one of our recent outings, we went out to dinner. After dinner, we decided we would check out a local restaurant/pub that we had never been to before and have a drink. It’s not too often we get to just sit, relax and talk without being interrupted by our kids.

We sat at a high-top table in the bar area and started people watching. We noticed a lot of the people at the restaurant were wearing white nametags and asking each other, “What’s your number?” Some of them even came up to our table and asked us if we were POF’ers.

We had no idea what they were talking about until we asked our waitress. Somehow we landed in the middle of a Plenty of Fish social. Plenty of Fish, we learned, is an organization to help single people meet other single people.

My husband and I continued to observe the people and noticed that it was a crowd of all different ages, ranging from 30s to about 70. It was interesting to say the least to watch these people trying to get to know one another.

While we were there, we noticed two guys in their early 40s sitting in a booth. They didn’t have nametags on, but they were checking out the scene. We asked them if they were part of the social. They said they came to see what it was like, but didn’t want name tags just in case they didn’t wanted to be a part of it.

We started talking to them about why there were there. One of them said he was there to help his friend find a date, but he personally didn’t need help with dating. He told us several times that night that he was 6 feet 7 inches tall and 300 pounds and that he had plenty of dates. Maybe size does matter. Anyway, his friend’s wife had died recently, and he wanted to take him out.

What was interesting was they told us they had each been married three times. They were both nice-looking and very nice guys, as far as we could tell. They said their marriage track record wasn’t something they would bring up with in conversation though with the ladies.

My husband and I started talking about what it must be like these days to be single and looking for companionship. It wasn’t what we had remembered from dating when we were younger in the “good ol’ times.” This was different. We actually were clinging to each other as we watched, commenting that this was good couples’ therapy. Even the people who were a part of the social told us: “Be glad you have each other.”

I know in my own life, it’s hard to be a wife and mom and with all the demands there are every day. I know marriage takes work, but it is such a blessing. I thank God for my husband and kids. I saw that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. What we may think is fun just may not be what it’s cracked up to be.

By the way, we found out the “What’s your number?” question was part of a game where everyone got a number when they registered, and they won a prize if they found the person who had their matching number.

My husband and I are glad our numbers are always the same these days.