Knowing your child's love language

This week is all about love. When I think of love, I think of my family. Like most of you, I love my family more than anything. The love parents have for their children is usually unconditional love. I know no matter what my kids do, I am going to love them. I may not agree or be happy with something they do, but I will always love them.

Recently I started reading Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages of Children. A book about how we as parents can best communicate love with our children once we know their primary love language.

My girls know how much I love them, but according to Chapman’s book some kids may not realize you love them if you are not filling what he calls in his book “their love tank.” He mentions five kinds of love in his book. They are physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts and acts of service.

To find out your child’s love language there is a list of questions the child answers. This multiple choice quiz can be found in the book or for free online at Chapman’s web site www.5lovelanguages.com. You can also try seeing how your child responds when you give the different kinds of love languages. You can try a specific love language for a week and see what happens. Chapman says when you are giving your child their primary love language you see a difference in how your child behaves.

I was interested in seeing what my two girl’s love languages were. I also wanted to answer the quiz to find out what my love language and my husband’s love language. I will tell you my husband thought the questions were a little goofy. I still made him take quiz. I wanted to make this a family event.

It was interesting to see that my girl’s love languages were different. One daughter’s primary love language is quality of time. This means when I spend time with her she feels loved. My other daughter’s love language is acts of service. So when I do things for her like help her with her homework or helping her pick out her clothes, she feels loved. 

Chapman says that we need to give our kids their primary love language, but they will benefit from having all the love languages. I also thought it was interesting how he says knowing your child’s love language helps with discipline and that discipline shouldn’t be something negative. It should be out of love that we discipline.

I did notice that after making a conscious effort at trying to give each daughter love in their love language that it did make a difference.  I know they both know I love them, but they are happier when I am filling their love tank with the love language they speak. I think by knowing their love language just enhances my relationship with each one of my girls.

So when you think about the ones you love this week, think about filling their love tanks. Valentine’s day may not be about giving candy, flowers or cards, but just might be physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time or acts of service.

Here's a link to listen to Gary Chapman about the Five Love Languages of Children. Click here.

Do you want to see what your child's love language is? Click here for the Love Language Profile for Children.