Knowing your child's love language

This week is all about love. When I think of love, I think of my family. Like most of you, I love my family more than anything. The love parents have for their children is usually unconditional love. I know no matter what my kids do, I am going to love them. I may not agree or be happy with something they do, but I will always love them.

Recently I started reading Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages of Children. A book about how we as parents can best communicate love with our children once we know their primary love language.

My girls know how much I love them, but according to Chapman’s book some kids may not realize you love them if you are not filling what he calls in his book “their love tank.” He mentions five kinds of love in his book. They are physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts and acts of service.

To find out your child’s love language there is a list of questions the child answers. This multiple choice quiz can be found in the book or for free online at Chapman’s web site www.5lovelanguages.com. You can also try seeing how your child responds when you give the different kinds of love languages. You can try a specific love language for a week and see what happens. Chapman says when you are giving your child their primary love language you see a difference in how your child behaves.

I was interested in seeing what my two girl’s love languages were. I also wanted to answer the quiz to find out what my love language and my husband’s love language. I will tell you my husband thought the questions were a little goofy. I still made him take quiz. I wanted to make this a family event.

It was interesting to see that my girl’s love languages were different. One daughter’s primary love language is quality of time. This means when I spend time with her she feels loved. My other daughter’s love language is acts of service. So when I do things for her like help her with her homework or helping her pick out her clothes, she feels loved. 

Chapman says that we need to give our kids their primary love language, but they will benefit from having all the love languages. I also thought it was interesting how he says knowing your child’s love language helps with discipline and that discipline shouldn’t be something negative. It should be out of love that we discipline.

I did notice that after making a conscious effort at trying to give each daughter love in their love language that it did make a difference.  I know they both know I love them, but they are happier when I am filling their love tank with the love language they speak. I think by knowing their love language just enhances my relationship with each one of my girls.

So when you think about the ones you love this week, think about filling their love tanks. Valentine’s day may not be about giving candy, flowers or cards, but just might be physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time or acts of service.

Here's a link to listen to Gary Chapman about the Five Love Languages of Children. Click here.

Do you want to see what your child's love language is? Click here for the Love Language Profile for Children.

Benefits of children playing musical instruments

In the past few months both of my girls started playing musical instruments. My oldest daughter Randi who is almost 9 years old plays piano and my youngest

daughter Graci who is 7 years old plays guitar. We were fortunate to find two wonderful teachers. I am amazed at how fast they pick up on learning to play. I have always heard it is good to start kids young if you want them to learn a second language and I guess that goes for musical instruments too. They pick up so much faster at a young age. I know that for a fact because I am trying to learn guitar with my daughter at her lesson and while she is strumming away, I just can’t seem to get the chords.  

Anyway, recently Randi had her first piano recital. She had to play two pieces of music. The first piece she had to memorize and the second piece was a duet with her teacher. Randi was a little nervous since this was her first time playing in front of a group. The recital was held inside a chapel and it was full with excited parents, grandparents, siblings and friends. There were about ten other students who played at the recital. Their musical abilities ranged from beginner to intermediate.

All of the students did a fantastic job. While I was watching these young students play, I could only imagine how beneficial this performance was for them. It was such a great experience for my daughter and for the other students. It built their confidence and their self-esteem. After the recital my daughter asked her teacher when the next recital would be because she had enjoyed this one so much.

I know the parents enjoyed it too. I was watching their faces as their kids were performing, some taking photos and videos. I know I was proud of my daughter and I could tell the other parents were proud of their children too.

 

I had a similar experience with Graci about a month before when she had her first concert after only playing guitar for a few weeks. Because she was so new at playing guitar her teacher just had her sing the song while he played. Vocals is part of her lessons, I think that’s why she loves guitar so much because she loves to sing. We heard Taylor Swift’s songs “White Horse” and “Never Grow Up” more times than we wanted to, but at least she was practicing. Her concert was at a local restaurant and there were quite a few people there too. When her teacher called her up to sing, she got up there and sang her little heart out. She had no fear whatsoever. I was shocked that she wasn’t nervous at all. I guess all those modeling and etiquette classes she’s been taking since she was three are paying off.  After she got done she said how much she loved singing in front of people. In a few weeks she has another concert and she will be playing the guitar and singing.

My kids take private lessons because their school doesn’t offer guitar or piano, but I do know there are public elementary and middle schools that offer guitar, piano and band classes. I know most high schools offer band. If you child has the chance to play an instrument encourage them to do so. It is such a wonderful gift and it will benefit your child throughout their life. Remember getting them involved when they are younger my make it easier for them to learn.